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Core Values
Vulnerability is Courage
Vulnerability is hard because it requires us to assume a certain amount of trust in another person and put aside our fears of judgement, ridicule, or recourse. It forces us to venture down uncharted waters and put ourselves in uncomfortable situations. It tells us to leap into the darkness not knowing the destination or outcome. But when we finally do decide to push through the fears of uncertainty, and face vulnerability head-on, it insures us that the opportunities for personal growth are reciprocated exponentially. How then, can I expect you to open up to me if I have not provided the same in return? So, please allow me to start.
Truth-be-told, I never wanted kids. I did not possess that yearning or desire to become a father when I grew up, like many of my peers. My plan was to be a bachelor for life and it was going to be awesome! I was working contracts overseas, making money hand-over-fist, traveling the world, and paying down my house with the intention of going back to college, financially free. Life was good! Then, I got the late-night phone call that would inevitably change my life forever...
Maybe I'm not the only one who had a different vision for their life before children? Maybe you too received that same phone call, late-in-the-night, with a hesitant and scared voice on the other end who was struggling to find the right words that would best convey the recently discovered, life-altering developments? Maybe you're a lot like me when digesting such news; deliberating over throwing-up or punching a wall, just to slowly watch through glazy-eyed tunnel-vision, all of your dreams and aspirations fade far away into the vastness of oblivion? Or, maybe this story does not resonate with you at all and becoming a father was always part of your journey? Either way is fine. The fact still stands, that no matter our backgrounds or beliefs, we all still have the potential for growth in becoming our best, most authentic selves, and there is always more quality practices we can learn in our efforts to raise our kids.
Now, I'll be the first to admit, when it came to me learning about the pregnancy, I did not handle that news well, at all. I felt angry, scared, depressed and betrayed. I had a lot of emotional ups and downs before I finally accepted my fate, and even then, it still took some time for me to really warm up to my role as a stay-at-home dad. But, fast-forward several years, and as cliché as it might sound, I cannot picture my life without her. If you would have told me back in 2013 that I would be facilitating a couple fathers groups, teaching parenting classes, and running a life-coaching business focused on dads, there is no way I would have taken that bet. Yet, here I am, living my best life, and being the best dad I can be for my daughter. And so too, you can be...
Authenticity is Liberating
The way most people interact with others in their daily lives is through a series of perfectly tailored and well rehearsed personalities, available to be donned for any occasion. These are the masks we wear for our fiends at work and when we are summoned to see the boss; the masks for our video chat conference and our buddies bachelor party; the masks we wear at the job interview and when we are in the drive-through afterward; it's the difference between the mask we wear with our child at school and the mask we wear with our child at home. Having different personalities and ways in which we conduct ourselves for certain situations is neither good or bad. It is simply part of the evolutionary process our ancestors mastered for survival. The problem is, depending on how many roles you play, it can be exhausting.
It is my belief, that the closer we can get to bringing all of those masks together and being the same person we are at home as we are when in the eye of the public, the less stressful and more fulfilled our lives will be. But, more importantly, the greater the relationship we will have with our children due to the gained trust, that in all situations, their father will be consistent and reliable in his personality, emotions, and responses. One of the greatest gifts we can give our children, to help mitigate negative childhood outcomes, is consistency and routine. This is fully in our control, but it requires us to be disciplined enough to follow through on learning and practicing to be the best version of ourselves; bringing us ever closer to our truest selves, in all contexts.
As far as I go, I am definitely an imperfect human being. I'm not the perfect dad and I do not have all the right answers. I'm fumbling my way through this just as much as anyone else. Full disclosure, as a parent, I do not always practice what I preach. I sometimes lose my temper, yell, and create illogical consequences that do not match the behavior. I don't get it right every time. Why? Because parenting is hard, that's why. Whether you are a legit single dad, or navigating the co-parenting dynamic, or even living the nuclear family lifestyle, it is all hard. That is why it is important to remember to give ourselves grace as we navigate all the different philosophies of fathering.
I have made a lot of mistakes in my life that have hurt myself and others. I have kept bad company, been bad company, and had my run-in's with law enforcement. Whatever you are going through, I'm hear for you, and I just might be able to relate. We do not always have to have the same experiences to empathize and understand someone's situation. This is where the importance of speaking our truth comes into play. We cannot make progress in attaining personally defined goals unless we trust each other. And in order for us to trust each other, we have to put down our armor so we can truly show up as ourselves; vulnerable and flawed. The freedom that comes with that authenticity, to just be ourselves, is truly liberating.
Accountability is Character
Our character is defined by all the little moments we were faced with a choice between bravery and cowardice. Being accountable for our actions and behaviors is the first step in personal growth and the fastest way to getting back control of our lives. Taking ownership in this manner tells the world that we are ready to take on the heavy task of being fully responsible for the outcome of our choices, from now on. This means we do not cast blame on others or indulge in a victim-mindset, but instead, accept the dealings of our past and make the conscious effort to forge a new, better path for the future. This is bravery in it's purest form.
I want to help you get to the point where you are an active participant in the outcome of your own life journey. The first step is taking full accountability for where you are in life. So many of us wander through life aimlessly, hoping something great will happen to us, or worse off, expecting someone else to make it happen for us. We refuse to be the captain of our own ship, for fear of never making our destination, knowing we would be solely to blame. If you never try, you can never fail, right? Well, if you never try, you can also be guaranteed to always end up at someone else's destination, and never your own. We do not have the right to be upset about our current situation if we continue to idly watch our lives go by, yet refuse to take any action in changing. It is an audacious claim, at best, to believe ones' successes in life are someone else's responsibility and a cowedly move, at worst, to use them as a scape-goat for the lack of progress henceforth.
I take full accountability for where I am at in life. I have had some highs and some lows. I have been on top of the world and muddled around in some dark places. All of those outcomes were due to choices I made. If we really take the time to look back hard enough in our lives, we can all find at least one decision we made that got us right where we are at today. That decision could be a conscious choice that had an actual consequence attached to it, or the way we thought best to navigate the repercussions of an event that was out of our control. Sometimes, there really are things that are out of our control, and those events can take us to some low points in life. In these moments, we still have a choice on how to respond. We can let the memory of that event overwhelm us and keep us stuck in the past or, we can consent, accept, and relinquish control to the things we cannot change. This is not the same as submitting to the powers that be. Quite the opposite. When we put up resistance, we get resistance in return. By dropping our resistance to what has already happened and accepting it for what it is, we are essentially giving that energy back to the memory and, in-turn, taking back control of our life.
I promise to make a full commitment in being your accountability partner and helping you stay on-track with reaching your goals. I want to celebrate with you in those successes and give encouragement if you fall short. I want you to hold me accountable for being dedicated to the achievement of your plan, just as I want you to hold yourself accountable for the implementation of goals within that plan. It is important to remember that change does not happen over night, but incremental improvements over time can move mountains. You got this! Lets do it together.
